Chapter 4: Shit Gets Real (Thanksgiving 2021)

On Thanksgiving Day 2021, at 7am, my iPhone rang: my little sister, Kylie, was calling.

She never calls this early, I thought. I picked up.

"Emily?! She choked through sobs.

FUCK, I thought.

Yes, Ky?! I asked

Have you seen Instagram?! She says.

No… I say. I put her on Speaker phone and pull it up. There it is, right away (Probably because so many people have seen it, I think).

The conversation was a painful one, and I won’t put you all through it. Most of you know what happened that day because, alas, Social Media.

A family friend, Ally, posted a series of videos on Instagram talking about how she had been having a sexual relationship with my Dad. For the past two years, she said.

It ended for a few reasons, but I personally believe it may have continued if Ally had not tried to extort money from him. Who knows.

At this point, I am convinced my Mother doesn’t care. Or looks the other way? Or pretends. I have no idea. No one will discuss it with me.

*** *** *** *** ***

So, it’s Thanksgiving Day 2021, and I just woke up next to my girlfriend, Rosa. And my little sister who I love more than Life Itself calls me and is vomiting at 7am because of these Instagram Stories.

So me, her, and Madison (our third sister and Kylie’s twin) convene on FaceTime while I’m doing my makeup and trying to plan what the ACTUAL FUCK we are going to do.

Kylie’s with her boyfriend’s parents for the day, so she doesn’t have to face Mom and Dad. I’m in Tennessee, check. I’ll meet Rosa’s Dad for the first time and try not to word-vomit that my Dad is being publicly torn apart online as we speak.

And Madison…has to see Mom and Dad today. We agree she will talk to Dad.

“You’re so brave, Maddy,” I tell her. She laughs, sounding sheepish. We’ve all been crying.

“I can do it.” She says. She’s the level-headed one of us three in conflict. I always feel like it should be me, but it’s her.

We’d done this once before, in July 2020 when we Found Out About the Affairs. Madison went into Law Clerk mode, writing up a list of questions, interviewing everyone involved (Ally, me, Kylie, Dad), and cross checking who said what before pulling us all together to meet.

Kylie, who is slightly softer than Maddy, had panic attacks on the phone. I stayed calm but SOBBED when we got off. Madison cried to her partner but not to us.

At that time, we decided not to tell Mom…we would wait to see how things went with Dad. Madison, Kylie, and I agreed to ask Dad to PLEASE go to therapy, and not just One Time but every week for a while. Because this was clearly a HUGE problem of his. Right?? Infidelity??

Unless they’re poly or swinging and just like…not telling us?? If they have another agreement, I don’t think he would be hiding it.

That’s what I came to with time.

But I of course cannot speak on someone else’s relationship. And I am here to close up wounds, not reopen them.

**** **** **** ****

What I do know is that day and weekend following was one of the worst of my Life.

By Sunday, Dad was calling me, telling me he was sitting outside on the porch wanting to put a gun in his mouth. My knees buckled beneath me but I caught myself.

I had never heard him suicidal. And he has guns in the house.

It made me sick.

I wanted him to say, “I’m so sorry. How could I have done this to you and your sisters? And your sweet Mother?? WHAT CAN I DO?? I will do anything. Send me to treatment!”

And what I got was, “I can’t handle this pain. I want to die.”

**** **** **** ****

I’m done with Weak Men. I’m done.

I have scaled fucking mountains since age 5 because of one Weak Man.

Because here is the thing, friends: I have had stomachaches since I was a child every day of my life. And as I’ve done my Trauma Healing work, they’re fully resolving. Because I’m getting the pain out of my tummy.

And that pain was my Alarm going off.

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, IT’S NOT SAFE.

Because Dad wasn’t coming home at night. And Mom was pretending it was fine.

And I couldn’t understand why I felt so alone, even with two sisters and a house full of Chaos.

**** **** **** ****

So on Thanksgiving 2021 when Ally posted Her Truth…and I believe women, friends…my whole body calmed.

Because for once in my 32-at that point-year-old life, someone was being Honest. And no Scary Adult was hiding shit from me.

And Ally had spoken her truth.

And regardless of how much is what happened between them (because we could argue about that for months), enough of it is true for me. Enough rings true. And hearing it made me know – in my whole Self – that Dad had done so much more than this.

Because that’s the last piece, Friends. What he told her. He confided in Ally…a girl the AGE OF MY LITTLE SISTERS…He was in his 50s, 60s? And he confided in a 25-year-old girl that Madison, Kylie, and I have a half sister, Laura. From a different affair.

Laura is 24 or 25 now. Madison and Kylie are 28.

And of course all of these names are changed. And yet, the facts are unfortunately the facts.

For much of my childhood, when Dad didn’t come home, he was not “sleeping at a guy friend’s” place (which to me now sounds absurd), “sleeping at the office,” or “working late.”

When he missed my recitals and dinners, or stepped out to take calls during the important moments of my life…he was talking to women. Maybe not EVERY time, guys, but lots of times.

And my sweet little heart and stomach knew it. I felt sick. For my Mom. For my whole life.

And no one would talk about it.

But now I know, and now I’m calm.

*** *** ***

SO, HERE IS THE DEAL

((I will be ATTACKED verbally by my family as the person speaking the truth))

Trust me, Friends, I WISH these were not the facts.

I wish they weren’t.

And yet, as it stands, I have a half sister I didn’t know about. Well, we knew her because Laura was also a family friend. And that’s where it gets icky too.

My Dad took Laura & her mom to our vacation homes. Frequently.

I want to throw up.

And again, I will be attacked (by my sisters & family) for writing this and putting it out. But Friends, I did not create this mess. I did not create it. And the person who did will not get help.

And neither will his spouse.

So, I’m stuck. And my sisters and I are hurt. Because the truth is, that day in July 2020, when Ally told us all this, we broke.

And now we’re on separate continents, hurting and afraid. And I can’t bridge it. Because I did not break this fence. I did not break this family.

I did not break this family.